It's Complicated

[saerwen]

The wind was blowing swiftly and gently, touching everything in its path. The green grass was soft as feathers, but only to the imaginative mind. Beauty was only to be found amongst the crashing waves that viciously tore at the side of the island.

Amongst this dismal beauty, the figure of a girl lay sprawled out on the grass. She was wearing jeans and a blood red polo. He hair was let loose, lazily flung all over the ground, just like her body. One arm outstretched and the other resting on her stomach, she was staring up into the bleak sky that was such a light blue it almost looked gray. She was thinking about many things, but most of it had to do with fighting to keep her mind where she wanted it. She was working very hard on blocking the hurtful thoughts that would have otherwise poisoned her mind on a daily basis. Every now and again she squeezed her green eyes shut tightly just to remember that she was still on the brink of insanity and she was fighting to come back. She didn't hear the footsteps of someone softly padding up behind her. If she had, she probably wouldn't have cared, but might have been curious or annoyed.

[»Míríel«]

The weather was spectacular, the sun was shining, the wind was gentle, and the sound of water soothed the senses. All of this had almost no effect on the dark figure that was heading up on the hill. Neron wasn't happy, which wasn't an all together a new thing, but it was a change from where he was last around people. Not to long ago he had a run-in with on of his old, and now ex-friends Ares. Nothing had happened besides the two being uncomfortable around each other. Neron had wanted to talk to his friend, perhaps explain some things, but Ares ignored him like he was some scum on the earth. These two hadn't always gotten along and they had a couple rough spots in their friendship, but nothing had been so bad to where they didn't talk and they couldn't tolerate each others presence.

So Neron had come all the way to Breaker Island to relax and think thing through. Everything was going as planned, her was lapsing back into thoughts, thinking things through until he almost stumbled upon the relaxing figure of JAedon. "Blast it..."She was the last person he wanted to see today. After all it was because of her that he had broken off his friendship in the first place. Since she didn't seem to notice his approach he just quietly went on his way until he was a good ways away. "Of course she would be here..." Why was it every time he wanted to be alone she or someone else was always destroying that feeling. With a sigh he glanced around him, there was no longer anyone in sight. Setting down his burden, which was in the form of a violin case, he opened it up gently and carefully revealing the contents beneath. IT was a beautiful violin, dark wood covered most of the body but there were some light patches around the corners. The sleek ebony fingerboard stretched out into a delicate neck with silver strings resting tautly on the instrument. IT was his most prized possession. Lifting it from it's cradled position her plucked the strings and adjusted the tune to make sure it was perfect. Then picking up the bow he did a couple scales. The violin responded joyfully and cheerfully, ecstatic at being handled by its master. "Who knew maple could sound so good?" The violin seemed to flash in the sunlight, revealing the tiger stripes on the surface. Then settling in he cleared his mind and let his emotions come out on the strings he held. The tune was mournful, regretful, yet it had some lightness to it. The song he was playing had such contrasting emotions it was hard for any listeners to settle into a feeling. But those were the emotions he was having. What Neron didn't know, due to the fact that he was so wrapped up into his playing that he didn't realize how well the wind carried the tune.

[saerwen]

Jaedon didn't hear Neron. She was contentedly lost in her own little world. That little world was filled with thoughts. Racing arguments that Jaedon was debating constantly, at breakneck pace, with herself. It was hard to imagine that she was even coherently thinking. If someone had had a window into her mind, they would have found themselves lost in a large library, full of books with various titles, on many different subjects. They couldn't have entered without getting hit by books, flying around in a torrent. The words that the books held came flowing out at one time, raising a racket so loud you would go insane. Jaedon was hardly convinced that she wasn't insane. The books were a representation that she made for herself. It was the only way that she found to keep her thoughts in some sort of order. She knew what each of those books held in them, and what they were persuading her to do. The arguments were good on both sides, but only one of the books, the one in the center of the torrent held any major sway over her.

As she argued with herself and considered a great number of pro's and con's, her subconscious thoughts became aware of a beautiful noise carrying through the air. As it came gliding along, Jaedon started to follow along with it, composing her own little tune to go with the notes by manipulating and predicting the appropriate chords. When she opened her eyes, she could practically see the music. It had taken over her soul in a matter of minutes, pulling her from her inner quarrels and placing her into a land of music. Like she could envision the notes in nature, she saw how the wind blew in rhythm with the sweet but sad notes and how the waters crashed against the island like a drum. It was so soothing, and she just hummed along. However, she knew that there were only two people she knew that could produce music like this. Damion wouldn't have brought his piano or guitar out here for no reason other than to play, so the only other person that could have taken advantage of this symphonic time was Neron. Only his violin could produce such a sweet yet heart broken sound. She sat up and looked around. Where was that clumsy little lizard? She rose from her comfort and softly padded around to go and look for him. When she found him, he seemed to be even moodier than his music communicated. She decided that she would admire his talents from a ways away. She had to try really hard not to hum along with the predicted chords. But in the end it was a hopeless battle and she quietly hummed to the music as she leaned back, using her hands to prop her up and crossed one leg over the other. She closed her eyes and hummed. How did he do that?!

[»Míríel«]

The music seemed to swirl about Neron and fly off, riding on the crest of the wind. Neron was now going deep within his feelings, digging deeper, turning things over and over to see every side of it. Now the song grew a little more rapid and it had deeper tones to it, with a couple light notes here and there. Then it grew thoughtful and slower. His nimble fingers danced along the finger board, tapping out the tune on those strings of steel. These thoughts disturbed him so much that he didn't even notice Jaedon at first. Never before had he gone this far without noticing someone, but the thing on his mind was weighty.

Neron had just seen that dark side of Ares and stood up to him, something he promised not to do ever again. Why had his friend been so stubborn and blind to what had been going on. Rage had infected his friend and it was going to be purged out with a hot iron. Neron knew this from his own experience, but it was something he didn't want to think about or remember. That experience had caused much hurt to him. It wasn't altogether a harsh memory though, for from it he was starting to change for the better. "Oh, Ares, you are so stubborn sometimes" The thing that disturbed him the most about the past incident was that Ares had attacked him. Neron had expected him to get mad and to perhaps fight some, but he wasn't expecting the rage he had felt.

Then something brought him out of his concentration a bit, a tune that wasn't from his own instrument that was following the notes he played. The voice was familiar, and one that belonged to someone he had just seen, Jaedon. Neron didn't know whether to be pleased or to be upset. Jaedon had been the last person he wanted to talk to, but he also knew that out of anyone she probably needed someone who had experienced something like she was going through now. So instead of stopping he carefully switched the tune from his thoughts and focused on something lighter, but that still had the thoughtful quality to it. His music started to describe and wonder at the surroundings. It started to describe their beauty in a way that could never be expressed by words, but could be understood through the brush of music on the emotions.

Soon Neron started running out of things to play and he knew that the next thing that he would begin to think about would be Jaedon. Knowing that he would begin to put his thoughts to notes he ended his song.So he let the last note draw out and he took the bow from the strings. His heart longed for more, it wanted to discuss the relationship with Jaedon, what a complex thing it was. Neron didn't even know where to start with it. Letting his mind wander a bit, without expressing it through the instrument he gazed out at the ocean. Kneeling down he rested the violin gently in it's 'bed' and covered it with the velvet cover. His fingers started turning the peg that loosened the hairs on the bow. "I figured you would find me eventually. So what brings you here Jaedon? Did you come to think or to study the restless waves that surround us?" His eyes focused on the bowstrings, he hadn't even turned to look at the dark figure near him. "Or did you come to cause trouble?" The last question could be taken as a jest and even Neron didn't know if he meant it in a serious or joking way. He was so confused with his thoughts at the moment he didn't know what to think anymore. Though one thing was true, he was relaxed a bit since he got to play, but he could feel a tenseness growing within him with every passing second.

[saerwen]

Jaedon noticed the sudden switch in the sound of the music. It was no longer thoughtful, or at least, not as depressingly thoughtful. Either something had just brightened his day immensely, which she highly doubted, or he had noticed someone was listening and humming to his music, and he decided to stop pouring his heart's emotions out to her. She already knew that something had gotten Neron in a tizzy. He was very worried, slightly upset, and overwhelmingly regretful. What a bucket of emotions to be carrying around, boy. Jaedon thought to herself. Feels like hell doesn't it? Regret was the only emotion that she knew about very well. There had never been a time in her life when she had been worried for more than an hour, and there had never been a time where she had been only slightly upset, it was always calm, angry, rage. There was never a middle ground.

The answer to whether he had heard her, or whether he was just happy came to her in a few moments. "So what brings you here, Jaedon?" She opened her emerald green eyes, which were much brighter than they had been in a while. She had slightly dark circles under her eyes, but she was a nocturnal kind of person so there was an explanation for getting little sleep. She was still pretty pale, and anyone would have definitely taken her as being sick.

"Well, gee Neron, I doubt it would really be me if I wasn't causing trouble somewhere on this earth. That's just a little too peaceful for my tastes, if you get what I'm saying." She was being purely apathetic and cynical. There was no way of missing that in her personality of today. She sobered her thoughts quickly though and gave him a serious answer. "Actually, I came here for some peace and quiet so I could think, but your playing disturbed me a bit. I have to say, I didn't really expect to meet anyone here, thinking this was the last forsaken place that someone would want to be, but I guess that next time I'll just have to find somewhere else a little more creative." She had reverted back to her cynicism in the end. It made life enjoyable sometimes.

[»Míríel«]

"I understand what you are saying exactly." He still didn't look at her, instead directing his gaze still at the bow. It was now loosened to the right amount. Then he let his gaze drift up the curvature of the bow. " I'm sorry to disturb your precious peace." He sighed a bit and lowered the bow and looked out at the restless waves. "I didn't think I would find anyone here either, but it seems that my wish to be alone will never be granted. Someone always has to ruin it. I thought that in a deserted island would at least grant me some peace, but I was mistaken." Moving the bow in between his hands, the bow's rich red color seemed to glow in the light. It almost seemed to pulse and breathe in the light, the red color almost seemed like blood between his fingers. His grasp tightened around it for a moment. Neron remembered the first him he held this instrument in his hands. The memory was still emblazoned in his mind.

It had been dark, a night of a New moon, he had escaped into his friends house. Neron was always welcomed there in times of need, and that was exactly what he needed, a hide out. All the lights had been out, but due to his dragon eyes he could see just fine in the dark. It was one of the nights after his rampage, after he had met Miriel. She had stopped him and the people were hot on his path. So he ducked into the house. It was strange for it to be so empty. So he wandered through the house, down to the old violin making shop his friend owned. The scent of wood, fresh maple and ebony with tools and fresh wood peels on the floor. Fresh wood peels, this sent of warning lights in his mind. His friend never left wood on the table or floors, never. Straightening up his gaze flicked around and focused on one thing, a note on the table. By it was a single case, one that housed a violin. Stumbling over to it he flicked it open. It had been hastily written. His eyes shut after he read it and he opened the case. That had been the first time had laid eyes on the instrument. It was something he never forgot.

Neron stepped out of this memory and knelt down he set the bow on its rest and flipped the switch to keep it in place. Running his hand over the velvety cover over his violin, savoring the rich smooth feeling it delighted his senses with, he continued. "It is funny how things can be to peaceful for your taste, yet here you are, on arguably one of the most peaceful places on this planet. Now explain that logic to me will you?"

[saerwen]

"Well, I suppose that I am disturbing the peace that you had also. I hope that you will be able to forgive me for disturbing what little time you had to yourself. I think that you need it more than I do. Although, I am still at a loss to understand why we keep stalking each other when it is obviously too easy a quest." Jaedon thought that Neron was in a bad mood but now she knew that he was fixing to blow a gasket. What on earth was he thinking about that had gotten him in such a messy attitude.

"What a stupid question Neron. The only reason that you search for something you don't like is so that you can mess it all up. I do my best to ruin things that I don't like. It seems that you are my unlucky subject today. What a joyful thing, eh? But it sounds to me like you are on the grumpy side of life today. I'm wondering if your day hasn't already been ruined. It's the darndest thing when people take your fun. Oh well, I guess I'll just get the backfire." She was being completely sarcastic, but there was some truth about the taking of fun. It really was so unenjoyable to have fun taken away from you like that.

[»Míríel«]

Neron slammed the lid shut and the crack rang through the air like a knife. "You shall not ruin this peace for me Jaedon." His green eyed flashed in her direction for the first time since the meeting. "You cannot have it, it's the last thing I have left." the tone of his voice was steely and harsh. Standing up straight he turned his whole body to her. "I haven't had peace since..." A flash of his friend's face came before his mind's eye then the continuation of images, the wood shavings, the violin, then blood. His eyes fluttered slightly and his voice lowered, "A long time, a very long time."

When she asked what had ruined it his eyes narrowed dangerously, "You don't know? You don't remember?" He turned from her and he gazed out at the sea. "How could you not know?" His head bowed slightly. "I just gave up one of my best friendships...for you." He turned slightly toward her direction. "A ridiculous thought eh?"

[saerwen]

Jaedon jumped slightly as he slammed the lid shut. The noise startled her. She hadn't really expected such a reaction from him, but she then had to remember that just because he was different didn't mean that he was totally fireproof. He still had the ability to get angry.

"Don't get feisty with me, Neron. We ruined each others peace. Just leave a joke at that and turn away." She was a little ticked with him now. He didn't have to be so prickly. THen he brought up the thing about Ares. She felt like throwing something at him head just to try and knock some sense into him. He was such a butt-head. She let out a muttered curse. "Geez Neron, would you stop that?! as though I don't have enough guilt on my head." She was annoyed and slightly angry. "Yeah, it is a ridiculous thought." she said in an exasperated voice, and then she narrowed her eyes at him. "Why the heck did you do it anyways, huh? I never asked you to do that for me! I did want that! Why did you do it? I'm sure if you want you can take it back over time. Maybe I'll just let you serve my head up on a silver platter for Ares. I'm sure that might work on to healing the breach!" She turned away from him trying to cool herself off after her little explosion, but a few more bitter words escaped her mouth. "Oh my lord..."

[»Míríel«]

Anger boiled within the heart of Neron as he heard this. Without thinking he blurted out, "That's not what I want Jaedon! Don't you understand that? I don't want you to kill yourself or to cause others to kill you. I want you to be happy and alive again. Instead of this simpering being you have become." He realized what he had said and continued on quickly, "For Miriel's sake and Damion's. Can't you see how they are worried about you? Miriel wants to help but knows you would push her away, Damion, I don't know what Damion is thinking." Lifting his hand he looked at the fist he had made. Then with a sigh he uncurled it and looked at the palm of his hand. "Can't you see that people actually care about you? I sacrificed my friendship hoping you could see this, Also because Ares needed to stop being ridiculous...but that is besides the point."

Then turning to her with narrowed eyes he continued, "As for you being guilty. Do you even know what it feels like to be guilty? I am starting to doubt it. Being guilty is being sorry for what you have done, you seem more sorry about not feeling anything when you drew your blade threw another being. You are guilty because what you did started effecting you personally, not because you effected others lives. IF there is a small case that you actually feel the true bite of guilt at your soul, then it is time you stood and faced it in the face instead of wallowing in that self-pity you seem full of.I know this through experience." Picking up his violin case his eyes flashed at her and he turned away from her. "Now let me be." He tried to walk away.

[saerwen]

She listened in astonishment to the first part. Was he actually saying that he cared about her? No, he was saying that he didn't want Damion or Miriel to feel upset. What a thing to say...Care...Care had nothing to do with it. She knew that Miriel would die trying to help her. She knew that Damion would do the same, but that wasn't the point. The point was that Neron didn't care. Sure he was nicer, he paid attention more, and that kind of stuff, but Damion was right... There was a reason that spell on the beach hadn't worked. There was a reason, and Neron was it. He was the reason. Maybe when he started caring, she would be able to stop herself from all of her problems. That was a hope too much because it would never come through.

"You have no idea what I feel. You have no idea the guilt that I harbor." She raised her voice in anger. She knew guilt well. She had started to feel it the day that she found out she had murdered Miriel's father. She knew what kind of pain her heart was in too well. "I have not slept in months because every night when I lay down I see the faces of all the people I have killed. Men, women, children...Every night I see the looks of terror, the hatred... I remember seeing the face of a little girl at her mothers funeral. She was this cute little blonde with blue eyes and dimples, and the last time I saw her she was in tears, kneeling by her mothers grave with a rose in her hand. That girl was beautiful and she had everything in the world, and because of my stupid job I took everything that she had. When I walked up to the grave to make sure that I had done my job well, she just looked at me, drying the tears from her eyes, and handed the rose to me. I live with that every day of my life." Jaedon could hardly see straight she was so mad. She had stopped yelling at him and was now speaking in a very quiet but threatening tone. "Don't you dare lecture me on what guilt is Neron. I know it well. I can't even look at Miriel without feeling sorrow and regret for what I did to her. Just like that little blonde, every time I see Miriel she looks at me and in her own way, gives me another rose. These are things I will never be able to take back, and as much as I might want to fix it, I can't. So don't you tell me I don't know what guilt is." She turned away from him as she felt a tear roll down her cheek. She didn't care if he walked away right now. It seemed that every time they saw each other they either got angry or they got hurt. She needed to stay away from him for a while, or else she needed to learn how to keep her mouth shut when he was angry.

Zack hadn't really been planning on meeting anyone on this island, but he hadn't really been planning to meet anyone at the cliffs the other day. He was a little freaked out by that now. He was more than slightly in need of some comforting. Cecily and Eventide had done something to him. He didn't know what kind of powers they had but he knew that it was not something that he wanted to stick around with. They were more than slightly evil. Pick-pockets if nothing else. When he heard a girl shouting from the general direction in which he was walking all thoughts about his little theft problem died and his hormones went off in a flurry. It was time to rescue a damsel in distress and for him to get the comfort that he had been wanting. He sped up in his quest for the girl, but then had to stop short in his tracks as he came face to face with a rather dark individual. This guys was a real piece of work. Dark hair, dark green eyes, and a rather stressed or angry expression. What a guy... Then he saw the damsel right behind the dark figure facing the opposite way. Lovers quarrel? Is she free? Yipee! She had black hair and a well worked figure. He was having fun sizing her up as he said, "Woah, woah, woah, what have we got going here?"

[»Míríel«]

"No idea." He scoffed. "No idea. You have no idea how much we have in similar. and it got a lot farther than having dark appearances." His eyes focesed on an oncoming wave. It reared it's back in anger and then tumbled, throwing itself at the island. Those watery fingers grasped and clawed at the surface, but to no avail, and it's watery being slipped back under. "It appears that you have tasted the bitterness of guilt.That has shown through your little speech there. Though the only thing I got out of it besides that is that we both have bad memories entwined with roses." He looked at her for a moment before turning back to the waves with a sigh, " I'm not trying to lecture you I'm trying to teac-" It was then that Zack broke in. Neron finished with, "Never mind, you are to stubborn to learn. I won't waste the time on lecturing the likes of you."

Then turning to Zack he looked him straight in the eye with a piercing gaze. This man had intruded on their conversation. The strange thing about Neron's gaze was that it was piercing, yet you couldn't read the emotion. His face showed neither anger, sorrow, happiness, instead it had the eerie stoic look of a statue. His gaze shifted from Zack's eyes to his feet then back up to his face. Now his eyes narrowed, showing anger and annoyance. "Pitiful." That's all he said for a moment and his expression returned to un-readable. Neron didn't like sharing his emotions with strangers, especially intruding strangers. Also Neron didn't think it worth his time to answer this things question. It would be a bigger waste of breath then the word pitiful was. Plus, Neron wasn't in the mood to be polite to strangers.

[saerwen]

Jaedon didn't even reply to Neron because she was still trying to push her anger down and can it up until she could go for a run or find a punching bag. She knew that Neron was trying to drive a point and she knew that it was true, but she was in no mood to listen. He was right, until she heard what she knew she never would, she was going to be too stubborn to listen to anything.

Zak was tempted to take a back step. These two were giving off some not so happy signals. The guy was glaring at him with something that could only be called...weird. He was very stony. Zak just shook off his glare and his little speech. He then decided that he would go straight for the kill. He walked over towards the girl slowly, not wanting to step on any mashed buttons. "Do my eyes cheat me or is this little quarrel in need of some soothing over?" He looked at the guy with curiosity, wondering who would talk first.

[»Míríel«]

Noting that Jaedon had chosen not to listen Neron focused his attention on the boy. Obviously the boy didn't take the hint nor the warning of that glare. Then again the boy didn't know Neron's personality. Neron just glared at Zak for a moment and muttered. "You would be best to leave the quarrel's soothing to someone else. We have no need of your presence here. Or at least I don't. Though this young lady I am sure will love to have company of a much brighter sort of fellow as yourself." Smirking he turned and walked away a bit.

His feet carried him a little ways away, close enough to hear, but far enough away that he presence wasn't felt as strongly. Neron's presence could be toxic at some times, it always seemed to bring the worst out of people., especially when he was in one of his moods. Right now it would be obvious for the both of them that he was still there, but it would be a nagging thing in the back of their head.

Setting down his violin case he stood quietly to listen. Neron was curious to see what the boy was up to, though the way he was looking at Jaedon was unsettling. "It is not of your concern, Jaedon can take care of herself." Yet something within him wanted to interfere, this kid was up to no good. Raising up his hand he let his fingers run through his hair in an exasperated manner.

[saerwen]

The second that Neron said something about Jaedon possibly enjoying Zak's company both Zak and Jaedon jumped on the subject, but Zak got there first. "Really? Did your darker personality ruin her day?"

Jaedon opened her mouth again, "I-" she didn't get much further. Zak took another step towards her as she whirled around to give Neron a sour glance that screamed of I hate you for getting me into this mess.

When she turned around to look at her dark counterpart, Zak got to see her face. Her body was not the only admirable thing. Her eyes were as green as gems. What a girl she was! She looked like she was fixing to shoot balls of fire at the other guy ho had walked a little ways away. Zak figured her was out of hearing distance now. "So, what do you say beautiful? You wanna get away from here and get a little happier?"

Jaedon made no reply but continued to glare at Neron with anger welling back up in her at an uncontrollable rate. It wasn't going to be long before she lost her skin if she wasn't careful. Knowing that Neron could still hear her good and well she muttered, "I'm gonna kill him."