Growing Uncertainty

[saerwen]

Damion sighed as he stared at the light olive walls. He held a book in his hands as he sat in the plush beige easy chair next to the fireplace. There was nothing he liked better normally than a book in hand as he sat there, letting the gentle flames of the fire touch his skin. It was just one more taste of warmth that he liked to steal.

His book must be interesting, since he was half-way through it. Normally he abandoned a work if it didn't grab him by the fifth chapter. However, he wasn't reading whatever had caught his fancy. He couldn't concentrate. He watched the shadows the fire cast over the walls. They danced around him with lively waves and jumps, but the longer he looked at them, the more he identified them with Indians parading around a bonfire. He didn't like that image in his head. He never liked taking something beautiful and corrupting it, but he often did. He shook his head and concluded that was just what happened when you were a flawed creature, which he certainly was.

Eventually he grew so aggravated with his lack of attention, he shut the book and let the hand that held it hang over the armrest of the chair, his head falling back against the chair. Nothing right now seemed right. His father worked to undermine his family, and thus far, he had been successful. Damion swore to himself silently, over and over again, that he wouldn't let his family fall apart the way that his previous family had. Bijan tore every good relationship that existed to pieces. It seemed to be his nature. Damion didn't hate him for what had happened to their own relationship, but he did hate his father for what happened to his mother, and what he had done to her. Just thinking about it made his temperature drop and his heart ache. Speaking of heart ache...

He looked down at the fire and saw the flames biting at the wood he had put on there a few minutes ago. It was too hot now. He sat forward and then stood up, stretching his long arms above his head towards the ceiling fan. His chest throbbed slightly, but just enough to be no more than annoying. Dropping the book on the chair cushion, Damion plodded over to the queen sized four posted bed. He didn't pull the covers back, just lazed on top of it, shutting his eyes to block out the dancing savages on the wall. The soft comforter felt like feathers beneath his fingers. He had always like the feel of cotton for some reason. It was comforting and close, like a big hug. A hug that he needed to feel right about then. Cracking an eye open, he looked towards the door and wondered if Miriel was almost done. He wanted to go to bed. Shutting his eyes again, he put his hands behind his head as extra support, aside from the pillows.

[»Míríel«]

Warmth, steam, that is exactly what Miriel wanted after a stressful day, and that is what she got. Something about warm water pouring over you was so relaxing, she could feel all her worries wash away like the suds that covered her body. She had lost track of time in the shower, and now she knew that Damion would be waiting for her to call it a night. Sighing she twisted off the water and wrapping a towel around herself before stepping out onto the cool tile floor.

It didn't tale long to slip into her white nightgown sporting an empire waist with delicate embroidering. Sighing she scrubbed her hair in the towel in an attempt to dry it. The day had been a rough one.Their children had nearly killed each other, what else could possibly go wrong. All she wanted to do was collapse in bed with the man she loved and forget about it. Perhaps even wake up and find this day had been nothing but a dream. Letting another sigh escape her lips she tossed her hair back. Grabbing her toothbrush she put a dollop of toothpaste and begun scrubbing her teeth. With her other hand she wiped the fogged mirror with her towel.

Spitting the toothpaste into the sink she looked up at her reflection, something caught her eye. Her hair, as black as night, was pouring down over her shoulders contrasted the white that made up her nightgown. A frown came to her face. No matter how much she loved Damion she couldn't get rid of the gnawing feeling in the back of her head that she was, literally, the black sheep of the family. Damion, Adelahn, Bijan, and even Tryss had light blond or white hair. Many times she received sympathetic glances from others who took the children to be from Damion's "first marriage".

Running hse fingers through her hair she picked up the heavy locks as an idea came to her. Hair, it could be changed. Dying it would fix the problem, she had always wanted to try being blond. The thought caused a smile to come to her lips. Grabbing her hair she started to toy with different lengths, and styles. She needed something different. She paused for a moment. What would Damion think? Her eyes shifted nervously towards the shut door. Twisting one of the long strands around her finger she glanced back to the mirror. It couldn't hurt to ask."

Opening the door a fog of steam rushed through the opening, followed by Miriel popping her head around the door and then taking a step out. "Hey Damion..." She paused to look back at the bathroom behind her. Perhaps she shouldn't ask him. Why was she so scared all of a sudden? She turned back to him. "What would you say if I changed my hair?" Just saying this sentence made the rest of her idea come rushing out of her mouth in a torrent. " I was thinking something shorter, maybe shoulder length or above. I'm getting tired of how long it is and maybe even changing the color to something lighter".

[saerwen]

Damion heard the water stop and sent a silent prayer of thanks Miriel's way. She would be out soon, then they could both go to sleep. Damion had nothing against her taking a shower, or even taking a really long one, but tonight, he wanted nothing more than to go to sleep. He was tired, stressed, worried, and needed to rest. Ever since their marriage, Damion found himself forever discontent with sleeping by himself. If Miriel wasn't there, he wasn't sleeping, at least not well. Trying to sleep without her was useless, and often just led to him having more time to worry and make matters worse.

Damion continued to lay on the bed with his eyes shut as she stuck her head out the door and called his name, "Hmm?" he asked quietly as she began to show that he was listening, despite how much it might have looked like he wasn't. He started out rather relaxed as he listened to her, but eventually, he couldn't sit back anymore. Raising his head he looked at his wife as she stood halfway in the bathroom and halfway out of it. His brow furrowed and he looked at her in confusion, "Why would you want to change your hair?" He shook his head and then laid back with a dejected sigh, "First Jaedon cuts hers off, now you. I really don't understand a woman's desire to take away such a perfect thing. Your hair, no matter what else you might try, will only and always look good long to me."

Thinking for a moment he added, "Although, really, I don't think there is anything you could do that would make me dislike your appearance. I just happen to like you very much the way you are right now. And Miriel," he looked at her very seriously, "as much as it might make you fit with the rest of the family, I really don't think I could stomach you going any further than brunette with a different color. I hate to say it wouldn't suit you, I just can't imagine it." Then sitting up slowly, he looked down at the comforter, and reflected, "In spite of what has happened recently though, I am starting to think change might fit. I am starting to think a lot of change will come at us in the future. If you were to make some drastic change, now would probably be the time; before the heavens break loose and the storm starts."

[»Míríel«]

Miriel shrugged slightly at his query. "I just feel the need for a change. It's been like this for... a long time. As long as we have known each other and before that. A lot has changed. I don't know." She was flattered that Damion loved the way she looked. Although he said that no matter how she looked she would look great to him, she knew that that may not be altogether true. If she came back with a buzzed head, she didn't think he would be a fan. Still she chose to be flattered.

When he mentioned her changing the shade of her hair anything further than a brunette her stomach sank slightly. "Oh, I don't know how drastic of a change it would be...I was just looking for something..different." She attempted to smile. When he talked about the change that would fit with the circumstances she nodded as her face turned serious. "That was my thought exactly. Oh Damion, What do you think about this predicament. I don't know what to think anymore." Walking to the bed she sat down next to him. "To think our children turned brutal, to little monsters. I think the storm is here already. The first flash of lightning has already flashed across the sky." She paused for a moment. "Did you see Tryss's wounds? Some of Adelahn's attacks cracked and split some of her scales, even ripped some off. It must have been excruciating. I never believed that Adelahn could do such a thing."

[saerwen]

Damion looked at his wife with a bit of worry on his face, "A lot has changed, that is true. But sometimes in the midst of change the last thing you need is further upheaval." He then cast the seriousness off for his normal gentle tone, "But I really don't think there is any thing wrong with you changing your hair--" he paused as he swallowed his own words, and then added, "But I might not like the idea at first. After time, I can get used to anything. I just don't like the idea now." He cracked a smile at her, "Probably a consequence of being an old geezer; I abhor change with every fiber of my being."

When she mentioned their daughter's previous fight, Damion's face became rather dark. He continued to stare at the stitching of the comforter, unable to speak at first. He wished so often that he had an answer for all of Miriel's questions, all of her problems. Sometimes, he hoped that one day, he would be able to destroy all of her worries and problems, but with every day that passed, it became clearer and clearer to him that he was not superman, and he couldn't protect his wife from everything. Not his children, not his wife, not even himself. Were he to pull away from them and focus solely on protecting his own heart from trouble, he would probably end up a crabby old miser in the hills still unsatisfied with his progress in life and scared of everything that moved. He couldn't protect Miriel, and that thought broke him into pieces. He couldn't protect his girls, and that made him feel inadequate as a parent. He couldn't do anything but strive to care for them as best he could and leave the rest to fate. For a man as protective and loving as Damion, such a realization was crippling and harsh. Before all of this, he hadn't thought anything could go wrong with their happy family life, but now, he realized things were most fragile when finally perfect. They had been happy too long, and the happy days were going to come to a close. He was clinging to them for dear life, and right now Miriel was asking him what he was going to do when he was forced to let go. He didn't know.

Sighing again, he shook his head and ran his hand through his hair, "I didn't get as good a look at her as I wanted to. I was so focused on keeping Adelahn cold, I didn't really stop to inspect Tryss. Not to mention the fact that I was pretty angry at her. Still am, actually." Looking at Miriel with anger seething in his eyes, he said, "I am angry at both of them for allowing themselves to be tricked so easily." Then breaking his gaze, he looked at the fire and muttered, "I was fooling myself though, to think that there wouldn't be conflict between those two. And I was fooling myself to think that there wasn't something darker inside both of those girls. They both see us as happy people with no worries in the world, but they have never seen me truly angry since our life has been so easy until now. Those girls have no idea the darkness within even the kindest of people. They didn't know what it felt like when you let the darkness in."

[»Míríel«]

Miriel looked down at her hands, now clasped in her lap as Damion grew serious. When he mentioned being an old geezer she smiled and lifted her face towars hers. Reaching over she gasped one of his hands and put it in her own lap. Patting it with her other hand she smiled up at him. "It's ok, old man. Perhaps we will have to get you used to change." Her smile turned slightly sour as her teasing tone left her voice. "We all will." It was obvious from the event that happened earlier, that their lives would never be the same. Relationships had been tested, even damaged, and trust had been broken. No matter how hard one worked to get these things back, it would never be the same. It was like a bone that was broken, it still ached when the storms came.

Miriel watched her beloved's face as it grew dark. Her own eyes had grow wide, pleading for him to answer her questions, but knowing that he was struggling with the same problems she had. He looked so defeated, like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. When he turned to gaze at the fire she continued to look at his face. It was strange to see his pale skin illuminated by the flames golden touch. To see fire burning in the depths of his blue eyes. She listened to his words as a deeper sadness came into her heart. The girls had no idea that they had not only hurt themselves and each other, but broken their parent's heart. An overwhelming sense of love for the man before her rushed over her heart. Reaching out she ran her fingers over the side of his face, pushing tenderly to make him turn her way. Her own eyes were glassy with unshed tears, but still a sad smile came to her lips. "Sometimes we forget about the skeletons in our closet. How those demons once shaped us to be who we are now." She paused for a moment, caught back in her mind of days long gone. Days she wished had never dawned. Smiling she brushed back some of his hair from his face with her fingers. "Don't forget that you aren't the only old one in the room. Though..." The teasing look came back to her face. "I'm not nearly the ancient that you are." Leaning forward she gave him a playful kiss on the cheek before whispering, 'But I still love you' into his ear.

Sitting back, but still gasping his hands in her lap she became a little more serious. "Don't be to hard on yourself. We both were putting our bets on the innocence of our children. We never dreamed that their innocence would end so soon, or so violently. We have to pull through this together. We are/ need to be a team, remember?" Miriel suddenly got a weird look on her face. Her expression turned from tender to shy. "Especially since we may be expecting some new family members soon." A blush came to her face as she managed to look up at Damion. A glow appeared on her face that only meant one thing. She was pregnant. Just the slightest signs of a belly were starting to show under her silk nightgown.

[saerwen]

He chuckled at Miriel as she mentioned accustoming him to change, "I doubt that my dear. Old dogs don't learn new tricks very well, we just do the old tricks with style." Holding her warm hands felt so good to him. She was his warmth, his sunshine, his everything. She made the day begin, she made the moon come out, she calmed him when his anger was high, and she encouraged him when he felt low. Even one hand in his could do all this, and he would never let it change as long as he had the power to prevent it.

Realizing that his own dark words had haunted Miriel, Damion tried to bring some light from the dark, "But perhaps change isn't as bad as it seems at first. Maybe we will find out that life isn't as taxing as we foresee. I have never been a fortune teller and I hope no one ever asks me to become one. Let's both hope that we are either wrong, or that the coming change if for the better. I might not ever get used to change, but I will learn to like its consequences."

Damion's eyes closed as Miriel turned his face towards her, relishing in the touch of her hand. Her soft finger tips against his cheek, and her sweet words that always tasted of honey in his ears. The demons in his closet were large in number, and it seemed one had lept to life in front of his eyes. Bijan coming back had irked him from the start, and he knew that would only bring trouble. Now as that monster walked inside his house, Damion couldn't help but see the dark plots he was weaving. With all of his might, Damion had wished he could keep his father just as he had left him: in a position of power and respect, where Damion could look at him from afar as a strong willed person who he saw as a good leader and that was it. Everytime Bijan came within speaking distance of Dmaion, the trust and respect went plummeting to the ground and then six feet under. But Miriel, as she always did, pulled him from his dark reverie with some silly words and a quick peck on the cheek.

A small smile came across his face as he leaned towards her and kissed her quickly and gently on the lips, "I love you too."

As Miriel spoke of being a team and fighting through whatever came together, Damion nodded, a bit more of a relaxed look taking over his features. "Yes, you are right. That is what marriage is for. Growing together, through thick and thin. And we will make it through, I just wish that things could always stay as easy as it has been for this long while. I think we have been spoiled by a relaxed life. Perhaps after all of this, it will be easier to understand Jaedon and Neron."

At first, Damion didn't register what Miriel said, as had happened when she told him she was pregnant before. And this time it took him a bit longer to catch up with her words. His first thought was to ask what other family members might be coming that he didn't know about. When none came to mind, then he caught on. Tilting his head to the side, he looked at her slightly confused, "Wait, do you mean--" as he looked at her face he saw the answer to the question. "You're pregnant!" All the worry and upset disappeared from his face, replaced by pure joy. Reaching out he wrapped his arms around her waist and held her close. He could hardly speak he was so happy. He kissed her passionately before pulling away and just enough to rest his forehead against hers and said in a soft voice, "I am so happy."

[»Míríel«]

Miriel chuckled at Damion's description of marriage. "But sweety, if they stayed the same, we would never grow. If things were always the same, then we never would have met, never would have married, never would have had kids. What a what a thought.." She chuckled slightly, "See not all change is bad."

Watching Damion process what she had told him was always a lot of fun. It always seemed to take a while for him to catch on to her hints. When he kissed her and told her he was happy a warm glow filled her. "So am I." She smiled, enjoying the cool sensation of his forehead against hers. The whole child problem, and Bijan problem seemed a million miles away while she was in Damion's strong embrace. Perhaps she was selfish, but Damion was always her shelter from the whirling world around her. Closing her eyes she sighed, "I love you so much." She pulled back a little bit in order to look him in the eyes. "You ready for bed?"

[saerwen]

Damion nodded his head in concession, "I suppose you are right. After all, my life without you would be as plain and boring as always. And if we hadn't met, Jaedon and Neron probably wouldn't have met either, and they wouldn't be where they are. Can you imagine things going back to the way that they were before we met?" He shrugged, "I suppose it isn't that awful after all, and I am not as truly opposed to it as I thought I was."

Another kid, Damion couldn't help but shake his head. Actually there was no guarantee it was only one. Both Dragons and Phoenix's laid eggs in multiples, so it might be another set of twins for all they knew. He thought of the trouble they had with their first two and wondered if the next one would be better or worse. Would they give them more or less grief than Adelahn and Tryss had thus far?

Finally he dropped the topic in his mind and slid off the bed as Miriel asked him if he was ready for sleep. He pulled the covers back and grinned at her, "With you, I am always ready for bed."

[»Míríel«]

Miriel playfully swatted at Damion for his last comment. Then letting out a laugh she crawled into the covers and snuggled up next to him. It was strange to think that such a turbulent day had ended with joy. The more Miriel lived, the more she realized how unexpected life was in general. She would have thought that she would be used to it, but each time she constantly was surprised. Even though the current future had a dark hue to it, there was a beacon at the end of a tunnel. A light that signaled the end of the storm.

THE END