What I Don't Understand

[saerwen]

Aeryn walked with his head bowed, nose stuck deeply into a collection of historical records about the Persian Empire. It was interesting to say the least. How they had managed to become so advanced as such a young nation was astounding. Their kings were usually very strong leaders in battle and very harsh on the weak. It was a trait that Aeryn liked. Reading about their wars with the Greeks and the Spartans was slightly tragic simply because Aeryn really liked the Spartans a lot. They were the true warrior race with the real meaning of bravery imprinted on their hearts. It was a great loss for the world that those 300 warriors died in that small little pass. However, their deaths were glorious and the even the Persians marveled at their courage. It was a lost art, he thought, courage. Aeryn wondered if there were many in the world left with a real understanding of what it meant to die with glory. There was a part of him that missed those fighting days. The days when he had been able to settle disputes by fighting with his clan brothers, settling the score with a glorious death. Maybe one day he would have such a pleasure again.

He currently was studying a blueprint of the Persian palace and a picture on the opposite page of a conceptual drawing of it from what the archeologists had uncovered. It truly was amazing. A grand discovery to be sure. Aeryn just wished that he could have known what it looked like back in the day when it was standing there, set in stone. He was so immersed in his study that he barely noticed where he was, or anything else for that matter. He thought about looking up and seeing where his feet had carried him, but he said no to that very quickly. He wanted to study as long as possible. He was getting headaches more and more frequently and it was getting harder to keep his mind focused. He needed some exercise, but unfortunately he had found none that would suffice. Thus, reading was all that he could do. It was an improvisation, but it worked for a little while. He darker side scolded him every time he winced with pain, telling him that he should have just ripped that guy Tarian to pieces the other day, just to spite Cecily, but thankfully, that was one suggestion he had not listened to. Although right now he was really wishing that he had at least considered it.

[»Míríel«]

Tarian wandered along the land's end. It was nice to be on the edge of cliffs. Wind ripped around, but hte power was invigorating, not harming. The roar of the ocean, the push of the wind. Yes, this was a place to let all things be forgotten. Tarian's blue eyes stared over the edge of the cliff for a while. He had waited for Cecily at her place, wit ha pot of tea always ready to be served, but she had never come home. Even though he knew better he couldn't help but worry about that strange girl. She was an interesting person, that Cecily.

Even though Tarian would never ask he what happened between her and Aeryn, he couldn't help but be curious. He had never seen her so riled up in a long time. Shaking his head he stepped off the edge of the cliff and turned his way back. Perhaps she had returned. Maybe he should turn back. Cecily had a way of returning when he left for a bit. Then he got a tongue lashing in welcoming. IT couldn't be helped he supposed.

As he turned he saw a familiar face. Aeryn walked along and seemed to be studying something. With kindness showing in his eyes he called out to the man, "What ho Aeryn? What are you pouring over?" Even though Cecily had a dispute towards this man, Tarian found nothing against him that could cause him to turn away. Perhaps he could help them out in some way, at least he would try.

[saerwen]

Aeryn heard the voice calling over the sound of the wind and the waves. He looked up quickly and saw Tarian. He did a quick spot check to look for Cecily, but she was no where to be found. Inwardly he gave a sigh of relief. Maybe now he could actually have his fun with Tarian, although this time, he was heavily considering laying off the telepathy and just having a normal conversation. It was a sacrifice to be sure, but Aeryn knew that this sacrifice would be well worth the effort. If he could gain any information about Cecily, that would be good. She was interesting. A mystery to say the least and he wanted to get to know her better, but there was a part of him that didn't like her.

Pulling away slightly from his book, Aeryn gave Tarian a welcoming look, but otherwise kept a straight face. "Hello, Tarian. Persian history and historical records." He answered absent-mindedly. "What brings you out here?"

[»Míríel«]

Tarian nodded, "A most interesting subject. Brillant chaps back then." He then cast a look about him and then shrugged, "No reason. I just thought I would come by here and relax a bit. Perhaps come across Cecily, though I doubt it. When that girl doesn't want to be found, she won't be." His smile deepened as he thought about going back. "Though, knowing my luck, when I go back to her place she will be there and will fuss over how I touched some of her precious herbs." He shook his head. It was strange to have something like that be a fond memory, but strangely it was. Cecily had a way of endearing you to things that you would normally hate.

Looking at Aeryn he continued, "Now don't let my chinwagging bother you. If I am disrupting your reading I'll go away right now."

[saerwen]

"I suppose that is one way of putting it, yes they were brilliant," Aeryn shut his book with a slam. It was obvious that something was on his mind. When Tarian mentioned Cecily, Aeryn felt a sour taste spring to his mouth. However, strangely enough, he liked sour things.

"I am sure that she can be quite the needle in haystack sometimes," Aeryn had spoken every word before this as though he was barely paying attention, but now he seemed quite attentive. "Speaking of which, I wanted to talk to you about her, and considering the words that I left her with the other day, I am sure that you want to ask me a few questions to. Lets not beat around the bush with pleasantries, even though that is the usual English way. It would probably work better if you asked your questions first, because you might answer some of mine along the way."

[»Míríel«]

Tarian raised his eyebrow at the forwardness of Aeryn but then he just shook his head and laughed, "Straight to the point. I like that." He looked up at the sky for a moment in thought. So he wanted to know about her, this was going to be interesting. Cecily was someone you could never really figure out. Sure you could grow used to her, but even still she surprised you. "Well..My question." He looked back down at Aeryn. "Is what happened between you two last night. I've never seen Cecily so upset, before or after the fact."

It was true and he was curious about what had happened between then. Perhaps this would help him explain some things to Aeryn that the boy wouldn't have understood. The man seemed sensible, and for sensible to deal with Cecily, it was a mess waiting to happen.

[saerwen]

Aeryn nodded his head, "Simple enough question, and expected. In summary, we had a very large disagreement about something. She happened to dislike the fact that used my powers so liberally on you, and I went on to justify my actions and we got lost in a mess of where we draw a fine line between right and wrong. It seemed to me as though she simply misunderstood my character as a whole and I tried to enlighten her. However, in the end, she got more of my character than anyone that has barely known me for more than a few weeks has ever seen."

"It seems to me that Cecily must have a bad taste left in her mouth for telepaths. And if not for telepaths, then for people who happen to take advantage of others' weaknesses. I just didn't really take her for the justice wagon type."

[»Míríel«]

Tarian listened quietly and let space draw between them for a moment as he thought. Then he studied the person in front of him thoughtfully. "A bad taste for Telepaths? I think you are mistaken. She had known many telepaths from what I understand and she is friends with one now." He sighed when he mentioned her as a justice wagon type. "I'm afraid Cecily isn't really any type. Many take her as a flippant, mischief maker who doesn't care for anything in the world. There is a lot more to her. A lot more..." He let his eyes go away from the man and he turned to the cliffs.

"You were right in not taking her for the justice wagon. In reality she could care less about those who do anything that doesn't effect her. Terrorists, children, Evil, good, she takes them all in stride and treats them in the same manner. I would even venture to say she plays on the weaknesses of others. What makes her care is if it crosses into her life. No, maybe not even her own life, but someone she cares about."" He turned back to Aeryn with a gleam in his eye," She doesn't care about many people in reality. Those she does, she cares about jealously. She really does have a kind heart." He smirked slightly and turned toward the cliff as his voice was slightly teasing, "Somewhere." Letting his eyes shift to Aeryn he continued, " Well now I have asked my question your turn."

[saerwen]

"Perhaps that has been one of my mistakes. I slip everyone into a category all of their own. If she has none, then I suppose she will be in one all of her own in my mind." Aeryn looked at Tarian, still curious as to how this man who seemed to have so little guile in him became friends with someone so twisted. Then something got his interest, "That is one question, if she has no type, no style specifically defined, then how can it be that her mischief and trouble-making has any real end to it? How is it that she cares about anything? She lives as though nothing in the world matters to her, as though life is some sort of game, why does she take the time to care about anything at all?"

"But more than these questions, why is it that Cecily seems to be so misunderstood, yet I know there is a simple answer? And that answer, why does she hide it so if it really does lead to her being misunderstood? I can tell she wants people to understand more of her, but she also enjoys the mystery she leaves people with."

[»Míríel«]

Tarian held up his hands and shook his head. "One at a time one at a time!" Tarian looked up towards the sky as if asking why he was given this job and asking for help. Then he turned back to Aeryn. "Everyone has their limits. No one is always good, nor is one always bad. Cecily isn't always mischief. She used to be gentler, things used to matter more than they do now. Perhaps she doesn't care for the most part because she doesn't care about herself, or perhaps she acts like she does care to protect herself, or she truly doesn't care, or all of the above. I can't say. All I do know is that once she had a heart as big as anyone, if not bigger. One event changed this.' His brow furrowed, "She was never the same after that. It was when I met her, if I hadn't helped her, she would have been more twisted than she is now."

Tarian let his blue eyes meet Aeryn's "You see, everyone in this world needs someone, or something to let them feel secure. Cecily finds security in her game as you call it. A lot of things matter to her, weird, quirky, things, but things none the less. She's rather easily pleased really, almost like a child. She takes almost everything at face value, and she has a weird way of reading people and reacting. I'm not sure how she knows their characters, but she does. I digress I think. Let me raise something to your mind. What if this game is the only thing that keeps her sane? I have often asked that question. I still don't know if I have an answer."

Tarian looked up at the sky once more with a sigh. "Questions... what were the other.... ah yes. " He looked back at Aeryn. " I think she is understood because people try to fit her in a box. They try and pin her with a label to explain the unexplainable. Cecily is who she is, and you probably won't meet another like her. Help us all if you do." He shook his head. "Cecily wants to be understood, she probably dreams of it. Though that could be false as well. She does seem to like her solitude to a point. The mystery that surrounds her is due to these conflicts I think. There are plenty of them. Mystery keeps you coming back." He smiled. "She..." He shook his head to let the thought pass. "You know you hurt her yesterday. You may not have realized it but you did. How or in what area, I'm not sure. "

[saerwen]

Aeryn listened to Tarian, still confused, but because of Tarian's words, he didn't feel so humiliated at his ignorance. Apparently even the person that had known her for the longest amount of time was still confused about her. If Tarian hadn't figured her out yet, then perhaps it was safe to say that no one ever would. However, it was that "perhaps" factor that made Aeryn want to continue to try. If he was to look at this from his usual point of view, Cecily was a puzzle that he had left unsolved. He hated leaving puzzles unsolved, and Cecily could very well be a lifelong study. Perhaps Tarian was just one of the pieces that he had been missing. In a way, Aeryn had answered one of his own questions yesterday. She did care for something. She cared for Tarian. She cared for him because of the relationship that he had with her. Perhaps Aeryn would find another missing piece if he could find out just what it was about Tarian that Cecily was so endeared to.

"What is it, then, that you have that makes you so precious to her? Is it simply because of the way that you helped her, or something else?" Aeryn asked.

He bowed his head for a moment and when he looked back up, his face, which was usually quite stoic and calm had a strange look on it. It was a mixture between sorrow and mirth. It was as though one side of him enjoyed the pain that he caused others, and one sided hated it. "That is something that I seem to do a lot."

[»Míríel«]

Tarian frowned at his question. He wasn't sure if he had the right to tell him. Cecily would probably be hurt if he did, but at the same time she already was hurt, perhaps giving more information to Aeryn would result in some sort of friendship. "I could just tell, you, but I think this needs some reinforcement behind it. Just one thing, I do not tell you any of this for your own good, or just so you can prey on her. I tell you these things so you can understand her and perhaps stop looking at her in a negative light." He cleared his throat. "Perhaps if you did your mind reading thing, you would understand a bit better. Somethings are better seen then heard."

Then without waiting he continued with his story. 'When I first met Cecily it was the first time she had experienced death to someone close to her. My species only allows people to see me in my true form if they have experienced this." IN his mind arose the picture Aeryn had seen before a girl with blood all over her and her hands red with the substance. Her dainty face was streamed with tears and blood smudges from where she had tried to whip them away. "Cecily, though you may not believe it, was a healer. From a very young age she was talented with herbs. I do not know who she studied with, or if she did. She did anything for those who were sick, many times she would look for people to help. From what I understand she was very good at her trade." You could see that the girl saw Tarian before her and her eyes went wide with terror, but then she seemed softened by something, perhaps words of comfort. Whatever it was she threw herself around Tarian's feet, or hooves. You could tell that he was resting his head on top of hers as she cried. "This day that you see was no different from the others, she had been working in her little shop when someone brought a patient in. It was one of her best friends. Cecily made a mistake that night. No doubt it was due to treating someone she cared about deeply. She had gotten confused with some herbs when she made the friend some tea to sooth her pain, and the friend died a long, painful death." The memory faded and Tarian looked at Aeryn with gentle eyes. "She swore never to heal again and changed her trade, fear that she would harm those she loved. That is the only way I can explain it. I was there for her when no one else was, but not only was I there, but I did something no one else would. Do you know what I did?" Tarian got a strange sort of smile on his lips. His voice lowered, "I trusted her."

Tarian shook his head. "Then perhaps you have something to work on my friend." He studied Aeryn for a moment, "I do not think it was your past that upset her, Cecily does not care about the past of others. It was probably something else. Though I don't know what." Tarian smiled, "You are an interesting fellow you know?"

[saerwen]

Aeryn nodded as Tarian explained why he was telling him these things. Of course he didn't mean for Aeryn to misuse them. It was interesting to Aeryn though. He seemed so willing to share with Aeryn, as though he had already had some clandestine knowledge that Aeryn was not going to use it for ill means. There was a part of Aeryn that seemed to say it would be best to use it in precisely that way, but he was not going to think about that now.

Aeryn understood what Tarian meant and he quickly and easily entered the mans mind. It was crazy how badly protected this man was against his power. Aeryn was in awe. It was like a humans mind. However, he would take care of that for Tarian later. He sat and watched what Tarian showed him, the memories going much better with his words. It was easier to understand that way, at least, to understand Tarians side.

Trust. So that was what it took. Trust. Aeryn almost felt as though he was choking on something. Out of all the things that he was good at, trusting people was not one of them. He usually decided to see straight through them rather than leave it to chance as to whether or not they were telling the truth. People could lie easier than they could tell the truth sometimes. He shook his head. Of course it was something so simple. Of course it was something so hard. That was why he hadn't found it himself. But now he understood that this puzzle was not going to be an instant fix. It was going to take time.

"The initial harm came from me playing around with you," Aeryn observed as he went back over what they had said to each other the previous night.

Aeryn's eyes then went to Tarian, they held a mischievous gleam in them, "Yes, I know. You probably don't want to know to the full extent that I know, though."

[»Míríel«]

Tarian nodded and made an agreeing, "Mmmm.." Then looking Aeryn he continued, "That would do it." he laughed, "She is a bit protective of me sometimes." He sighed, "And she knows that I would be defenseless against you."

"Perhaps I do, Perhaps I don't. Neither of us will know until we try it out eh Chap? Sometimes people can surprise you." He smiled, "No matter how weak their defenses. So how about it ol' boy, I have held up my part of the deal, can you show me how to protect this mind of mine?"

[saerwen]

"Well, considering your defenses, I would worry about you as well if I were her. No offense, but I have seen humans with better ability to protect their mind than you," Aeryn looked at Tarian with curioustity in his eyes. "Did you never realize that it was a danger? A very real one?"

"Thus far, Cecily has been the only person to surprise me. But then again, I view everything through the functions of the mind, and most people all think about things in one of the certain few ways. That is why telepaths are chronically bored. However, I think that I can help you learn how to protect yourself. I will warn you though, the intensity of your defenses depends mostly on you. I can only tell you how to create the walls, you are the one that must fortify them. And another disclaimer," Aeryn added, giving Tarian a strangely threatening look that would both alarm and enthrall, "no matter what you do or how good you become, if you run into someone like me that has no self-control nor respect for life, you are screwed. Only other telepaths can withstand another telepath's attack fully. What I will help you with will ensure that those who are simply looking for practice don't use you and then destroy you when they are done."

He took a step towards Tarian, "And this would also involve me actively using my power on you, you do understand that, right? Some people are very uncomfortable with that thought, because often times I can find things that they might not want me to see. I won't go digging too much, but if your mind is easily strained, I will more than likely see things."