Starvation's Revenge

[saerwen]

As Neron began to speak, Jaedon tried to focus on the roaring of the falls. It was a small sort of escape she guessed. She just needed some time to think, to straighten herself out. However, after the comment that she had made, there was no time to sort anything out. Even above the sound of the falls she could tell that Neron was angry with her. More than that, he was hurt. The sorrow in his voice called her back to him, reality punching her hard in the gut. Neron was speaking of leaving, of stopping their relationship. Her heart began to pound and she only now realized how much she had wounded him. Her foolish pride had done it yet again, but this time it almost sounded like it was the end.

Would she really ever be able to be open with Neron? Would she ever be able to stop the real lying that went on underneath everything else? She didn't think so. It seemed like a distant light growing farther and farther away. But she noticed that the further Neron went from her, the faster it seemed to fly away. It was like an awful nightmare, and in her despair, she wanted something strong and sturdy to cling to, but she had gotten rid of every sturdy thing that she had. Neron... Her heart seemed to tell her over and over again that she could try harder. She could make it work. All she needed was Neron and everything could work out, but how could she actually face him if she had no way to guarantee him that she would be as open and understanding as he? Could she ever really face him without that? It sounded like she couldn't.

"JAedon, why can't you just let it all go? Why can't you let everything that you have always held onto for your own survival go? You are no longer sitting amongst thieves and murderers, all of them looking for a way to crush your soul. You aren't living by yourself anymore. This world is kinder than the one you have known before. How many people like you get a second chance? And more importantly, how many people like you get a second chance in the form of someone so wonderful as Neron?

"None. None of them get it, that is why I am a fool." Jaedon answered her own question as she rose from her spot and began to walk after Neron. Her starvation was forgotten. Her other problems were forgotten. The only thing in her mind now was that she had to find Neron and she wasn't going to stop until she had. She ran into the forest after him and began to track him. She had heard a light impact from a few yards away, and as she grew closer she heard someone speaking. She approached very quietly, still unsure of how to approach this. When she was finally in view, she saw Neron sitting up against a tree that had very obviously taken a harsh beating from him, all of his anger poured out in one spot. Anger against her. At first, this made Jaedon want to run away, but then it strengthened her to stay where she was and say what she needed to say.

"Neron," her voice was very quiet, as smooth as she could manage in her current state, "Neron, I..." She hated how she stumbled over the words every time that she said then. "Stop it Jaedon, just stop it." She decided to spit it out and hope that he understood. "Neron, I am sorry. Please forgive me. I didn't mean it." she paused and realized how many times she had come to him with those same words. "Gosh you've heard this a thousand times at least. I am sorry for being unwilling to be as open as I should be. I just...I've never had to before. I've never wanted to before. Please..." she swallowed hard as she realized that she was choking back her own tears, but they weren't the usual one's of anger, distress, or even pain. They were pleading, almost begging. "Please don't give up on me yet. For some reason I have to go and do or say something stupid before I am ready to give up just one more thing. I don't blame you for not wanting to put up with it, but Neron, if you don't...then no one will." She realized now was the time to communicate why that was true. "No one will because Miriel won't even speak to me. I am scared to go to Damion because I really don't want to find any accusation from him. I can't take it."

She took a deep breath and then said in a much milder tone, "It's not fair for me to keep using you as my punching bag without telling you why. I'm really sorry Neron, and it's okay if you don't believe me. I'll just have to keep learning how to prove that I really am trying and..." she paused and laughed at herself, "and even possibly, very, very, very slowly getting slightly better."

[»Míríel«]

Neron turned his head away from Jaedon when she approached. He didn't want her here. Not because he didn't love her, but because he didn't want her to be standing there, so pitiful. What if she wasn't ready to share things to him? She knew that he loved her, she had to, and with her standing there, looking starved, he would have a hard time refusing her. When she started to speak, he didn't look at her, but turned his head straight ahead, his head still bowed. Even though he wasn't looking at her, he was listening.

Neron, I am sorry. Please forgive me. I didn't mean it.

Neron let out a dry laugh/ scoff. She had meant every word, he had seen it in her eyes, and the tone of voice. No she had meant it and she had used this before. Excuses, everything was excuses with her. The next words to her were just words, nothing more. How could he trust her? How? The only thing that caught his attention was when she mentioned Miriel. His eyes shifted toward her. She was telling the truth this time. She had to be? Or was she?

When she started talking about him being her punching bag he just shifted his eyes back to in front of hi.He remained still for a moment and then slowly pushed himself off the ground. He took care, almost painstaking care of brushing all the wood shards from his pants. Then straightening he sighed as he let his now bloody hands fall at his side. "Healing. IT is something we both need. Perhaps we shall do it together. Slowly." Picking up one hand he ran it through his hair in a motion that could be translated as exasperation, or relief. Whether blood got in his hair or not he didn't care. "Jaedon, you need to eat, and I need rest. I believe this day has tried every portion of my being." He still hadn't really looked at her. He made a movement like he was going to walk off but he hesitated. "And Jaedon." He turned his face toward her with a softer look on his face. "Thank you." With a nod of farewell he started off in the other direction.

[saerwen]

Jaedon noticed the blood on his hands, and made a final connection with what he had done to the tree. He had been pounding at it with his fists. She was tempted to call him an idiot for that, but she reminded herself that she was the reason he had done it. She suddenly felt very guilty as she looked at his hands. Poor Neron would never be healed fully would he? There was always going to be some part of his body that was hurt, bruised, or otherwise not how it should have been.

She was filled with relief as she heard that his voice was not full of anger. He still sounded a little miffed, but who wouldn't be. After what had happened to Neron, being miffed was the least that she should expect. It was pretty forgiving. She still ached to know that he really had forgiven her, but she herself had said that it would be okay if she didn't get it. What he said later was more than enough to satisfy her need for forgiveness for now.

When he turned to leave, Jaedon just couldn't stand it. She was so glad that he had not gotten angry with her that she had to. She went up behind him and put her arms around him, very gently to make sure that she didn't bump against his injured side. She held him as tightly as she dared and leaned very close and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"How wonderful you are to me," for the first time she actually voiced what she was thinking as she did this. Her voice was laughing and filled with relief. She then let go of Neron and turned to walk the other way. She had some hunting to do.

[»Míríel«]

Arms wrapped around Neron suddenly, he had been so immersed in his thoughts and pushing pain from his mind that he hadn't noticed her come up from behind. At first his body was tense, surprised, but then when he realized who it was he placed one hand on top of hers for a moment. Her words made a smile crawl onto his face as the kiss helped sooth his mind like a cooling balm.

Even though the pressure on his side was slightly uncomfortable, Neron didn't let anything show and when she pulled away he let her hand fall from underneath his. By the time he turned around she was already gone, vanished into the woods. "Good luck on the hunt." He smirked, "knock 'em dead." Then shaking his head at his terrible pun he strode off in his own way, looking forward to a much needed rest.

THE END